Since I only bake one cake a year I insist on making it the time-honored olde-fashioned way, same way my ancestors did back in the Olde Country, when we lived in harmony with nature down on the Olde Estate, down the road from the 7-11 just off Pennsylvania Turnpike exit 8. Here’s how I do it:
Life is like a bowl of cake batter, and blue food coloring is Science:
I leave you to come to your own conclusions:
Pour batter into cake pans, put pans in oven.
Remove pans from oven when batter has finished reincarnating as solid food:
Yes, Dear Readers, I use a colander as my cake pan cooler because one day I will have reached the Nirvana of Ultimate De-Clutter when I own only 100 pieces of stuff and everything I has to do double-duty. In the case of the colander, it triples as holy headgear, for Lo, I am a member of the world’s fastest growing carbohydrate based religion, Pastafarianism.
Cooking Tip Most Likely to Make You Go Doh!: The fastest way to bring a stick of frozen butter to “room temperature” is to grate it:
Life is a like a bowl of butter cream icing, and blue food coloring is all our wishes that eating butter cream icing would be one third of the food pyramid:
Now, that’s what I call Magical Thinking:
Bottom layer of icing:
This is the first year that I completely gave up trying to make a decent cake, given that all the blue cakes in my past have turned out hideously. So of course, this happens:
I know there’s a Life Lesson in there somewhere. But don’t ask me for it — do I look like Oprah?
And the champagne wasn’t the least bit like a Slurpee:
Je suis Charlie.