How to think like a man, Part One:

I’m not a very good housekeeper. (No, that’s not my kitchen, not today; that’s a still from the great A&E show called Hoarders, Mon. night at 10).

The reason why I am not a very goodhousekeeper is because I think too much like a man. At dinner the other night I was sitting at my dining [...]

Up in that tree! It's a lemon! It's a tennis ball! No, it's a QUINCE!

 On the Map of Me (see last week’s post), under  the heading “Favorite Food That I Like The Idea Of But Would Never Actually Eat Because I Don’t Care For Fruit In General”, that’s not a lemon.  Although it certainly LOOKS like one, and I thank Marvelous Reader who wondered  about that. It’s a quince.

I [...]

It looks like a cream cheese hangover to me.

This is Penelope, AKA The Cat Who Lives On Our Kitchen Counter. And that’s what’s left of a tub of cream cheese that we left unguarded when we made bagels this morning.

We’re so pathetic, we think this is cute (rather than disgusting).

We need help.

Boom Baby.

Last night on TV (the show was “Community” on NBC) a 40-year old character was complaining about the old fart in his Spanish class; “The guy’s a Baby Boomer!” was all he had to say to get the sympathy of his [mostly younger] fellow community college students.   (Hint: youngsters hate seeing old farts wearing the [...]

So, like, I'm the new girl at Forks High School and there's this guy in my biology class…

…and he’s the guy that, like, this other girl told me was all snotty but all the girls want to date him because he’s really hot. Oh, yeah, Forks H. S. is in Washington state, like practically Canada.   So, like, I’m sitting next to him, the guy I just told you about, because he’s my lab [...]

The first full day of Fall.

And tonight, the first full night of Autumn.

One of these years I’m going to plant a night-blooming garden. Until then, I can paint me one.

And speaking of twilights, I finally saw the movie last week. You know, the movie about the vampires based on the bazillion-selling book by Stephanie Meyers, with that grungy actor that [...]

You think I'd be used to fame by now.

After all, I’ve been a published author for about a year already.

Sigh.   Sometimes I wish I had a more low-profile and ordinary life. It must be so relaxing to be, say,  a movie star,  or the first African-American President,  instead of a literary sensation. Because once you get the reading public all riled up, your [...]

The Map of Me.

Twigs, songs, lists, dreams, stars, and stones; all map-making material:

The maps made by the inhabitants of the Marshall Islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean are three dimensional navigation charts of sea currents, made out of sticks tied together with cocnut fibers. They look like empty bird cages.

Certain nomadic Indians of the Mojave Desert [...]

Hi. My name is Vivian and I'm a Cat Lady.

This is Penenlope. 

This is the kitchen counter top where she lives.  That’s her bed and her bowl there next to the dish rack.  We call this space “Penelope’s Boudoir”.  She lives here because certain other cats who live in my house will chew her to bits if she wanders off this ledge.

This is the “Water [...]

Question: How many cats does it take to make a person a Cat Lady?

Answer: Two too many.

In my case, it’s these two:

I was hanging in there with 11 cats, living a reasonably normal life (that is, undetected as a certifiable “Cat Lady”), keeping my two warring factions of indoor cats apart (Belle and Coco can’t stand it that they aren’t the only cats in the house so they [...]