So, like, I'm the new girl at Forks High School and there's this guy in my biology class…

…and he’s the guy that, like, this other girl told me was all snotty but all the girls want to date him because he’s really hot. Oh, yeah, Forks H. S. is in Washington state, like practically Canada.   So, like, I’m sitting next to him, the guy I just told you about, because he’s my lab partner, and then he’s all like, “I want to transfer out of this biology class,” and I’m all like “Dude, what is your problem?”  because, like, he acts like he hates me.  And then he’s all like “Sorry, we should start over,” I’m all like “Whatever,” until this one day I’m in the parking lot at school and he like saves my life from a run away car and he’s all “Whatever” and I’m all “Dude, you saved my life,” and then he saves me from being raped or whatever (that’s the thing about small towns in the misty, moody Northwest, it’s all, like, drama drama drama) and then I start to think that he’s like supernatural or something…turns out he’s this vampire and we fall in love mostly because I like having all the other girls envy me and stare at me like they are all thinking “Why her?” and I’m all “Whatever.”

vampire love

So that’s the plot of Twilight, the first movie made from Stephanie Meyers’ hideously popular novel series about, well, vampires in Washington state.

The hot vampire called Edward Cullen is played by British hearthrob Robert Pattinson.

vampire love 001

Vampires, in Stephanie Meyers’ world, are irresistibly aloof, their froideur masking turbulent passions and veritable lava flows of emotions. They are powerful — strong, capable of killing a man with one bare hand, and mesmerizing, holding wimmen enthralled by the merest glance from their steely eyes. They are long-lived; Edward is a youngster at a mere 100 years old. They are calm and oh, so cultured, too — a by-product of having paced this earth in some kind of moral or psychological dilemma for centuries. 

In my day, we had another name for these creatures whose love was forbidden:vulcan

We called then “Vulcans”.  Oh, Mr. Spock, you unobtainable object of my pre-teen lust.

So, in Twilight, this vampire named Edward falls for this human named Bella for reasons that aren’t clear, seeing as how Bella’s personality  seems to be all about withholding the love and approval that her dip shit parents crave.  But then, what female character in what Hollywood movie ever has a personality?

What I don’t get is that this vampire Edward is supposed to have been around for about 100 years, and like the rest of his vampire family he’s earned multiple high school and college degrees…yet, for all his erudition this Edward vampire chooses to hang with a high school junior?? 

But I quibble. The whole twilight phenomenon is not about the vampires, really, as much as it’s about young girls’ need to star in love stories that are passionate yet safe, and for this generation vampires fit the bill. They are the 21st century’s Heathcliffs. 

Who knows. Maybe in 100 years’ time, Stephanie Meyers will be the 22nd century’s Emily Bronte.

And in 100 years’ time I don’t care whether or not I’m the 22nd century’s Beatrix Potter or Edith Holden; all I really want to be is the 22nd century’s oldest living Star Trek fan.

4 comments to So, like, I'm the new girl at Forks High School and there's this guy in my biology class…

  • Suzanne B

    Interesting post Vivian.

    I never got the vampire thing either,intially, and perhaps it has it’s root in Rice’s books, which I have not read.

    But, BUT, there’s a big but in there for me – I did read the Twilight series…..yes, shocking! Even more shocking was, that I enjoyed it. It wasn’t great fiction, but I found the aspect of navigating the concept of a human/vampire relationship interesting. The quandry of it all – how can one do it? I wish I would be struck with a “dream of a man with flesh that glitters like diamonds” in such a way that I could write a book series and become bigger in the wallet, instead of bigger in the butt. That is where this all started for the author. I also appreciate this series because my daughter got engrossed in it – so much so that I wanted to call out the local news team to film her doing so, as she is not a reader. I keep hoping she’ll find other books equally gripping to her. I was so glad to finally “bond with her” over reading a book – one we had both read. I’ve always loved reading as a child, grew up on Nancy Drew, etc. My father was a voracious reader – as am I. I remember dad bringing home the first in James Herriot’s series All Creatures Great and Small – and how we both loved them – and would share laughs over our favorite parts of the books. Our own little book club, just me and dad – a wonderful memory I cherish – as I lost my dad on my 18th birthday to a stroke.

    So, yes, the Twilight phenomenom is a bit crazy. My daughter is not a girly girl, or interested in boys yet – and neither of us are wearing Twilight t-shirts, but we are looking foward to the next movie installment, New Moon, coming out that first Friday before Tday.

    I do concur with your assesment that it’s not about the vampires, but about the “safe, passionate” relationship. There is so much trash out there, and Twilight shows a sensible, yet more fulfilling foray into teen relationships that maintain dignity and demonstrate respect, which I do appreciate. My daughter will turn 13 on Christmas Day – a fact I am having a hard time coming to grips with. I am so thankful she’s her own person, and not caught up with boys, clothing labels, etc.

    So count me in as a mom that is a Twilight fan and it’s had a postive affect on my relationship with my daughter. It’s allowed us to meet and share with something we’ve both enjoyed and it’s opened the door for having fruitful discussions about about boys, dating, respect, etc. Edward does respect Bella – and it’s a point I hope that the girls and boys that have read these books and saw the movie take to heart.

  • Not only the girls love the series. My grandson enjoyed it (at 14), his cousins enjoyed it at the same age and also an older one. My grandson is not a reader either but it got him reading. I haven’t read them and don’t expect to but my daughter also enjoyed the books.

  • hi im an huge fan and i
    just love edward he is so hot but that second pic is ugly but i still love you edward becoase your hot love from gemgem

  • hi edward im a huge fan of twilight but i dont love you i love twilight not you but i love jacob in new moon but not in twilight number one so yeah i dont love you so cya later

    p.s my friend Gemma loves you edward

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