That’s me, Writer Extraordinaire.
For lo, did I maketh myself sit every night with my stack of copy edits, and verilydid I read every 20,000 of them, and I say unto you that I tooketh my Wite-Out and my Rapid-O-Graph pen and I raiseth my scissors and my tweezers, and yea did I make whatever corrections were necessary, forsooth the booketh known as Yon Damnable France Book be as infallible as The Word.
Yes, I’m feeling very pleased with myself. I made all the edits worth making and then: when I noticed that boththe Klingon and I had missed a significant and glaring and embarrassing error (I went through the whole Damn Book calling the Haut-Medoc the Haute-Medoc!!) I did something that should get me in the Ink-Stained Wretches’ Hall of Fame:
I contacted the smartest, savviest, most literate native French speaker I know and I hired her to be my third and French editor. She’s a scientist and an artist, and she’s seen enough of my writing to not gag at my creative use of the m-dash, and she’s going to read through the Damn Francemanuscript one more time to make sure that I’ve got all my accents acute and grave in a row.
See? See? That’s how much I care about you, my readers. I do not want youto be troubled in the least that it’s taken a chunk of my soul and sanity to make your reading pleasure as carefree as possible. You will not have to worry that I’ve conjugated those terrible reflexive verbs incorrectly, or that all those “a”‘s in “patisserie” have gone hatless. Nope. You probably won’t even notice that each and every damn accent is done by hand — my hand — and that I spent the last three nights having nightmares about all those questionable French words that we use in English but don’t mean what we think they mean (there should be a word for those words, non? Rendez-vous; RVSP; decor; de rigeuer; etc. ).
And, when my French editor is through, I’ll make those corrections, and then Bloomsbury wants one more editorial pass at the manuscript before we go to the production phase. See? See? That’s how publishing really works IN THE BIG LEAGUES. (It’s a lot like torture.)
I’ll let you all in on the secrets of book production (I read recently that it usually costs a publishing house $130.00 per page to produce a book, but with me as the crack typesetter and genius designer, that cost should come in around $145.00 per page) all in good time, dear readers; all in good time.
Next up: The Cover. Neither my editor at Bloomsbury nor my agent liked the spiffy new cover I designed, a combination of the best parts of the two covers that we discussed here in this space a while ago. So it’s back to the drawing board, but until then:
Tonight I just want to share with you the Official Author Photo for The Damn France Book:
Or should I go with that shot of me in the pink sweater?