Two days until I take off for the Great Pacific Great Northwest Tour to give the Great Pacific Great Northwest a piece of my mind. They need me out there, they need my tips for happiness and stuff.
My Travel Tips for Staying Put, of course.
What? You don’t know my famous Travel Tips for Staying Put? The ones I yak on and on and on about whenever I do a “book event”? About how to traipse through your every day life as if it were a major tourist attraction?
Well then. Here’s a brief tour of my famous Travel Tips for Staying Put:
Travel Tip No. 1: Get a map.
Because you’d be surprised how wrong your mental maps can be, familiarity and all, blanding-out the landscape.
Travel Tip No. 2: Take a walk –
along the roads on that map. (It was by walking every street — EVERY STREET– in my old hometown that I discovered the stuff that turned into my book, When Wanderers Cease to Roam.)
Travel Tip No. 3: Hug a Tree.
Life: it can change so quickly — the older you get, the less there is to really hold on to. So hug a tree.
Travel Tip No. 4: Watch the Sun Set.
Do I really have to explain why?
Travel Tip No. 5: Go Get a Midnight Snack.
This is my favorite travel tip! Because it’s the one that really gets me out of my rut: by heading out to the local 24-hour diner for a grilled cheese sandwich at 2 AM I’m hanging out with the most exotic people in my neighborhood. Because what the hell are they doing out at 2AM??
Travel Tip No. 6: Greet the Dawn.
OK, maybe this one is my favorite. After all, I wrote a whole chapter about it in When Wanderers Cease to Roam (August).
Usually this takes me 45 minutes to go through in depth but that’s not to say that I don’t digress from time to time into stories about being having Parisian in-laws and how I discovered The Secret of Life in 1977 and all — that puts stime on the clock, yessir.
And the amazing thing is, I don’t charge for this! All my talks are free! Although as soon as I can figure out how Bethanny Frankel gets hundreds of people to pay big bucks to come hear her book talks you bet I’m hopping on that bandwagon.
Do you watch Bethanny Ever After on Bravo TV? Not to take anything away from her success — she’s a spirited and compelling woman and she deserves every happiness and prosperity with her Skinny Girl cocktails and her New York Times bestseller A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want but whoa!
She charges people to come hear her book talks!!! AND THEY PAY!!!
That settles it. My next book will be a self-help book for women with mucho disposable income:
A Place of I’ll Take 10: Rules for Getting Everything Cartier That You Want.
Next week, while I’m in Seattle and Portland, I’ll be posting painting lessons here. When I get back, there will be a test.
P.S. For my Great Pacific Great Northwest Tour schedule, look at the top of this blog. Up above the cat and the tea cup. See it? The button that says “Seattle-Portland 2011 Tour? That’s where you can find my itinerary from May 17 – 24.