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Yo. Taffy and Lickety.

I know youse guys. The only reason you two stare like that is when there’s a big scary bug in the kitchen. Or a big scary bug in the livingroom. But you’re out on the back patio, for christ sake.  What on earth can you two nimrods be so engrossed with?

Oh. Wait. You’re staring at the hole in the wall that Top Cat made as your Winter Access to all those warm kitty beds and three squares in the basement. Oh jeeze. don’t tell me….

 

Right. It’s not a bug. Definitely not a bug.

Yo. Taffy and Lickety: that poor opossum will never come out of the basement if you two geniuses are perched to pounce. Get in the house immediately. Don’t pretend you don’t hear me! Don’t pretend you don’t know what your names are! GET IN HERE!

OK. Here’s some of your favorite Friskies. Here kitty kitty, he….oh! You’re here!  That was fast!

Now let’s just let Possy come out in his own sweet time.

OK, guys. It’s safe to let you outside. But listen to me. I want you two back here for dinner, you got that? Taffy? Lickety? Your’e listening, right? I’m letting you out again but you have ha…oh! You’re gone!  That was fast!

THREE HOURS LATER

YO! Taffy! Lickety! Get in here! It’s time for dinner and it’s getting cold! 

Hey! Listen to me: I don’t care if your Mama cat doesn’t want to come near me because she’s never really warmed up to me even after four years,  I’ll put her dinner out on the front patio like I always do, but you know how I like to have my Baby Hobos inside when it gets dark, right? So you’ll come in, right?

Guys? Guys? Are you listening? Or are you going to keep giving your Mama cat kisses even though I’m standing RIGHT HERE and I’m begging you two to come in the house?

Well, this was my plan all along, that you two would give me that sweet kitty look and I would end up serving you all  dinner on a silver [aluminum] platter so ha ha; joke’s on you.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It’s not like my whole life revolves around cats, or that I bust holes in perfectly good walls to make cat doors, or put up with the occasional ‘possum because of you, or spend my days watching or catering or blogging about cats.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

10 comments to Don’t Give Me That Look.

  • Jeannie

    LOL! I am so glad I am not the only one who thinks she is herding cats, only to learn that they are only coming in for the food. Our scenario was with Rocky Racoon, our two, the two strays who had me at hello, & the 2 neighborhood cats who think they live here too. How can I keep all of them away from the friendly racoon? I swear he was friendly or they had told him that I was the keeper of the food. It was as if he was going to introduce himself and state that he preferred Whiskas over Friskies! I went in the house, the cats all sat on the picnic table and the racoon dug up the corn the squirrels had buried that day. Have a wonderful weekend!

  • janet bellusci

    i have that affliction, too!

  • Love your hobo kitties. You’re a good woman.

  • Shelley

    The hobo kitties are wonderful. I love the way you told the story, and the photos are just perfect too.

    I must admit I’d be a bit freaked out over an opossum in my basement though…not what I’d want to stumble over on an early morning stroll to the laundry room!

  • Okay, I have a story about an opossum. When I was a teenager, my friend and I were sitting on my front porch a few days before Halloween, in the dark (no porch lights for us, we were practically adults!), acting all cool, and talking about Very Serious Teenager-y Things.

    All of the sudden the garbage bag next to the front door raised up off the ground and levitated across the porch in our direction at top speed. My friend screamed and jumped off the porch, and I literally peed my pants because (as silly as it sounds) it was actually REALLY spooky. As you can probably guess, a possum had made its way inside the bag before we had come outside, and I guess s/he was trying to make a stealth getaway (with the bag) without us noticing. We definitely noticed… and my friend teased me about it for months.

  • Nadine

    Ha ha ha, Chel’s story is wonderful. I remember sitting on the porch with no lights with my teenage friends (in summer — I live in the Northeast) and talking about important teenage things.

    Wasn’t Walt Kelly’s Pogo supposed to be an opossum? I know they lived in a swamp so perhaps swamp ‘possums look different from terrestrial ‘possums. Imagine my surprise the first time I saw a real opossum! They’re scary critters in the dark.

  • Jacqui

    Yesterday was fraught with the end of two week’s surge of a family emergency. Even if all your kits and cubs are in their 40’s, if there be distress even at a distance, this mama cat, mother bear sure feels it. The long island back yard not so feral kitties clued me in to the day….kitties kitties and more kitties…I loved beginning it with Lickety and family. Then there was the dispelling of black cat legend…… While my own chat noir slept peacefully on her wool covered pillow at my elbow. And just before I left the computer to get on with the day and/or pace the floor, I received this “best bumper sticker announcement”……
    CATS FOR OBAMA
    28 more years

  • I love the Opossum photos. It looks so cute.

    It’s nice that your little rascals like to be with their momma. Maybe they are trying to convince her that you are more than the food train. :D

  • Sally

    Oh lucky Vivian, you’ve had a visit from Pogo! (Does anyone remember Pogo??)

    When we had a similar fellow visit our yard near Boston (even further north than a ‘possum’s normal range), my husband’s response to the news was “Impossumble!”

  • Patricia Weiss

    Vivian,
    Your blog is absolutely charming. Thank you for transporting me to your world.

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