Don’t Give Me That Look.

Yo. Taffy and Lickety.

I know youse guys. The only reason you two stare like that is when there’s a big scary bug in the kitchen. Or a big scary bug in the livingroom. But you’re out on the back patio, for christ sake.  What on earth can you two nimrods be so engrossed with?

Oh. Wait. You’re staring at the hole in the wall that Top Cat made as your Winter Access to all those warm kitty beds and three squares in the basement. Oh jeeze. don’t tell me….

 

Right. It’s not a bug. Definitely not a bug.

Yo. Taffy and Lickety: that poor opossum will never come out of the basement if you two geniuses are perched to pounce. Get in the house immediately. Don’t pretend you don’t hear me! Don’t pretend you don’t know what your names are! GET IN HERE!

OK. Here’s some of your favorite Friskies. Here kitty kitty, he….oh! You’re here!  That was fast!

Now let’s just let Possy come out in his own sweet time.

OK, guys. It’s safe to let you outside. But listen to me. I want you two back here for dinner, you got that? Taffy? Lickety? Your’e listening, right? I’m letting you out again but you have ha…oh! You’re gone!  That was fast!

THREE HOURS LATER

YO! Taffy! Lickety! Get in here! It’s time for dinner and it’s getting cold! 

Hey! Listen to me: I don’t care if your Mama cat doesn’t want to come near me because she’s never really warmed up to me even after four years,  I’ll put her dinner out on the front patio like I always do, but you know how I like to have my Baby Hobos inside when it gets dark, right? So you’ll come in, right?

Guys? Guys? Are you listening? Or are you going to keep giving your Mama cat kisses even though I’m standing RIGHT HERE and I’m begging you two to come in the house?

Well, this was my plan all along, that you two would give me that sweet kitty look and I would end up serving you all  dinner on a silver [aluminum] platter so ha ha; joke’s on you.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It’s not like my whole life revolves around cats, or that I bust holes in perfectly good walls to make cat doors, or put up with the occasional ‘possum because of you, or spend my days watching or catering or blogging about cats.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.