November 2020

Hello Dear Readers! Yes, I still enjoy the “WTF 2020” memes, but today I am not going to load you up with the usual political musings.

Sure, Trump and his spawn are still shitbags, and Rudy Giuliani is, literally, a walking, talking, oozing pustule and crazy as an outhouse rat, and Emily Murphy should be in prison, and the rest of the Republicans are laying down as many land mines as they can to keep Joe Biden in a tizzy for the next 4 years. . . but I still get up every morning and walk into my kitchen for my morning tea and I see this:

And, OK, the guys who are planing that march in Atlanta tomorrow to support Trump’s theft of their 16 electoral votes are dangerously delusional, but they made a poster that shows Georgia in blue, and, also, spelled “Georgia” wrong:

So, for today, I’m feeling confident that the people who are in charge of Operation Destroy American Democracy are idiots, and that I can safely take a week off from the unending shit show.

I’m celebrating this Friday because Steve, the handsome tuxedo Manx who lives on our front stoop, came home today after going on walk-about for five weeks. I’m celebrating this Friday because my Korean husbands (BTS) have a new music video out today and global ARMY are coordinating to get 100 million views in 24 hours (be dear and click onto this link and be counted and, BTW, how much do you want to be part of that pajama party??). I’m celebrating this Friday because it’s been a gorgeous Fall here on the north shore of Long Island and I want to take the time to savor it. I want to be like Taffy, thinking deep thoughts on sequential mornings, sitting under the Japanese Dogwood tree on the kitchen patio like a cute, fluffy buddha:

I just did a quick calculation and, during this pandemic, I have run about 765.5 miles, during 225 hours, on the streets in my neighborhood since lockdown in March. I know these roads quite well, and have become quite fond of them. They feel as if they are as much a part of me as my own right hand, which is my second-favorite hand as I am left handed, but we’re still close.

The best times were those early Summer mornings when there were no cars or people about and there was perfume in the air, but Fall has its charms here in Nassau County. This is my starting point on a typical November afternoon:

This is the same starting point a few days later, on a rainy and misty morning:

After learning that Trump played The Village People’s YMCA at the end of his desperate rallies for voters in the swing states, I reclaimed it for the forces of good and added the song to the top of all the playlists I listen to while I run — I have never payed much attention to the lyric before, and it is very WIERD — but this is where I am by the time the People sing “I felt the whole world was so jive”:

Are you old enough to remember when “jive” was a thing?

What a difference a few days make…this is the same road exactly 4 days later:

This (below) was taken on Nov. 8:

All those trees are bare now. Fall really is the most fleeting season, all the more reason to catch it while you can.

Top Cat has hunted and gathered for our two-person Thanksgiving this year, strangely, by getting us a 22-pound turkey. That’s a lot of turkey for a pandemic holiday, just saying.

The other holiday that is on my mind is ChrisHanuKwanSolstice. I just finished making my holiday card, a special 2020-themed message that will be going out in optimism and celebration of the return of the light in our lives. In more ways than one.

If you would like to be on my mailing list, send me a note with your address to vivianswift at yahoo dot com. (All Stromness Rock hosts are automatically on the list whether they like it or not.)

Did you know that “Good Riddance 2020” cards are a thing this year?

Mine is not like that. I’m never on trend.

Also a “thing” this year. . .

You KNOW that I, for one, will be sending Season’s Greetings to President Joe c/o 1600 PA Ave this year.

Have a great weekend, everyone. Try to spend at least one Trump-free day by doing something stupid, like feeling hopeful for the future of our planet and humankind in spite of all the evidence that tells us that we are, in fact, doomed. To be happy, these days, is a very transgressive act, and if I know you, Dear Reader, you like to rock the boat. Go out there and be joyful.

See you next Friday, with the usual outrage.

XXOO

November 13, 2020

So Happy I Don’t Know What To Do With Myself.

Trump is Dumped

Sooooo, how was your week?

After four long, long, years, my bruised and battered soul is feeling euphoric, and it’s got me in an emotional spin cycle. But it’s a good problem to have.

This is how I got my case of The Happies:

I ran out into the street yelling for Top Cat, and shouting JOE BIDEN IS THE 46th PRESIDENT . . . to no one because we live on a very quiet street. I went back into the house looking for Top Cat and I found him upstairs watching English Premiere League soccer on TV and I said TURN ON CNN!!!!

And we both cried and hugged each other. The relief is something that I’ve never felt before.

(Lifts imaginary glass of champagne to all you Dear Readers): We did it. Here’s to us!

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Sorry, I cut off the cartoon. It’s the Statue of Liberty talking to the Donald.

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This (below) is the letter is addressed to the George Secretary of State, duly signed (but not proof-read) y the genius Members of Congress who allege massive voter fraud:

Ah yes, the GOP Shit-for-Brains syndrome…now I understand how fellow conspiracy theorist Rudy Giuliani ended up holding a press conference in the parking lot of Four Seasons Total Landscaping to address voter fraud in Pennsylvania:

Giuliani introduced Darryl Brooks as a poll watcher in Philadelphia but, actually…

In response to this alleged massive voter fraud, Trump set up a hotline so citizens could call in tips about the massive voter fraud they witnessed in their states. Instantly, it was flooded with prank calls about massive voter fraud. As a result of being flooded with prank calls about massive voter fraud, Trump’s forces have to get a new phone number and his daughter-in-law Lara tweeted this:

Wait..does she not get how pranks work? The whole point is to harass them so that they have to keep changing the phone number.

Anyway, we accepted her challenge and we kept calling.

Yes, I said “we”. Me, I began calling the first hot line number. Fun fact: the people manning the phones answer your call with “Trump War Room”, which is hilarious and makes it really hard to keep from laughing as soon as you hear that. Who are they going to war against? America?

For my first call, I reported that people were still voting at the rec center in my town of Roslyn NY and then I whispered “And a lot of those people are Black so you better hurry down here before they steal everything!”

I was pretending to be a typical Trumper, but as soon as I said it, I regretted it. It felt bad even pretending to be a racist.

So, for my follow up calls, I identified the people trying to steal the election as Communists, as Socialists, as my ex-brother-in-law, as supporters of Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, and as Vegetarians.

When the Trump War Room changed their phone number, I also called the new number, but all I got was a taped message and an invitation to leave my report of massive voter fraud when I heard the beep.

That’s when I began taking up time and space in the Trump War Room by reading aloud from the new J. Peterman catalogue I’d gotten in the mail. So now the Trump War Room knows about some nifty pointelle sweaters for $198, pajamas for $128, and a Prince of Wales double-breasted blazer for $498.

Oh, god. It was all such good, clean, innocent fun.

However, some people are getting tired of this game, such as the Montana Secretary of State:

Even the Department of Homeland Security has had enough, and on Thursday, November 12, it did this:

It’s a lovely thing, when the Department of Homeland Security issues a memo from in the Cybersecurity & Infrastructure Security Agency in a joint statement with the Elections Infrastructure Government Coordinating Council and the Election Infrastructure Sector Coordinating Executive Committees orders Donald Trump, ex-president of the United States, to Shut The Fuck Up.

You can read the whole glorious, unequivocal statement for yourself here.

Dear Readers, I’m sure that you all are feeling it. The elation is still there, of course. . .

. . . but now that the victory is sinking in, we have to reckon with what this country is in the wake of Donald Trump:

And let’s not forget the most important thing about who were are as a country:

In Arizona, Navaho Nation showed up at the polls, in total casting 76,000 votes; 97% went to Biden.

Have a great weekend, Dear Ones. I’ve been so busy with post-election pre-hangover jubilation that I haven’t even told you all about the exciting things happening elsewhere in the non-Trump spheres of joy (my Korean husbands BTS are in full Come Back mode, it’s been a spectacular Fall season here on the north shore of Long Island, and I have a new art project to share) so let’s all get back to normal next week.

In the meantime, all I have to say is:

Donald:

You’re Fucked.

November 6, 2020

Knee-Deep in the Hoopla.

Nov. 3 Shit Show

OK, so it wasn’t the Blue Tsunami we all expected. It seems that there are 69,816,618 Americans who are OK with having a Russian asset in the White House. But we outnumber them just enough to win this.

Let’s take a look at what we’ve been through:

Color Code: Green – without a permit.

Orange – with a permit.

Red – illegal.

(I nearby declare Exotic Pet Freaud because I know of a guy in Westchester County, New York, who has a kangaroo. He keeps it in his orchard.)

Please remember this name, Richard Grenell, because we’ll hearing more from him:

To be fair, Richard Grinnell (the tweeter above) was only an *acting* Director of National Intelligence, a post he held after he was appointed as Ambassador to Germany, where he alarmed almost every European head of state when, 2 months into his tenure, he broke Article 14 of the Vienna Convention in a interview with Breitbart News saying that he wanted to empower conservatives throughout Europe, thereby taking a political position in hopes of interfering in foreign affairs. He was a very unpopular ambassador.

Speaking of Europe. . .

And then it was D-Day. November 3, 2020.

First, let’s hear from the Cats of Democracy:

This is Pumpkin, the official Cat of the Athens County, Ohio Board of Elections:

(Athens County is in south-east Ohio, bordering West Virginia. It is home to Ohio University, but also has the lowest median income in Ohio, being the only county in the state with a poverty rate above 30%. Should be Trump country. Here’s the kicker: Athens County went for Biden. Good work, Pumpkin.)

Voter turnout hit historically high numbers. More votes were cast than in any previous American election.

My Twitter feed was full of offers, from our wonderful neighbors to the north, to lend a shoulder to cry on, or a reminder to b r e a t h e, or some heart felt empathy for the torture awaiting us as we sit out the long and slow counting of the ballots.

It became a “thing”:

(Seriously, we hit the jackpot when we got Canada as the country on the other side of the longest international land border in the world.)

Lou Diamond Phillips tweeted a photo of his own emotional support team:

And then came the “controversy” of counting every ballot so they can be turned into something that no other country on Earth has: Electoral Votes.

Some people have a problem with democracy. And by”some people”, I mean “ShitBag Trump” and his Fuck Wad supporters.

This tweet from Trump will go down in history:

We have claimed, for Electoral Vote purposes, the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania (which won’t allow legal observers) the State of Georgia, and the State of North Carolina, each one of which has a BIG Trump lead. Additionally, we hereby claim the State of Michigan if, in fact, there was a large number of secretly dumped ballots as has been widely reported!”

This kind of history:

(The Organization for Security and Co-operation in Europe (OSCE) (above) is the world’s largest security-oriented intergovernmental organization. Its mandate includes issues such as arms control, promotion of human rights, freedom of the press, and fair elections. It employs around 3,460 people, mostly in its field operations but also in its secretariat in Vienna, Austria. It has its origins in the 1975 Conference on Security and Co-operation in Europe (CSCE) held in Helsinki, Finland.)

Mark R. Levin (above) is a right-wing radio personality. He’s obviously not a constitutional law scholar. You know, when someone types in ALL CAPS like that, he’s YELLING AT YOU:
But all that yelling doesn’t make your case any stronger:

Because of the extraordinary number of voters who used mail-in ballots this year, millions and millions of votes coming in, the counting is going kinda slow. FYI: Being slow, that’s not illegal.