What Was I Thinking

—-Yes, I forgot to turn on the Comments for this post, but I have corrected that so please read on and confess your latest buyer’s remorse!–

Now, back our regularly scheduled post:

I bought new shoes last week.

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The thing is that I got up one day last week, put on decent clothes that I wear when I go out of the house instead of the duds I usually wear (which make me look homeless), I put on make up, I found my car keys, I got in my car, I drove to a store, I tried on various kinds of shoes, and the whole time I was stone cold sober. And, after all that effort, I bought these shoes, completely forgetting that wearing high heels is freaking torture. I can’t stand high heels.

I don’t know what I was thinking, buying these high heels, which is so unlike the stuff I’ve bought online after a few glasses of wine, in which case I know EXACTLY what I was thinking.

Two weeks ago, under just those boozy conditions I mentioned, I bought this from eBay:

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It’s a vintage 1960s music jewelry box that plays I Could Have Danced All Night

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…and inside it has a fuzzy round thing with a bit of orange plastic on its face and a felt flower-like thing on its head (allegedly this is a bird) that spins around while the music plays. I remember thinking, I HAVE TO HAVE THIS!!! Because I had a jewelry box (with a ballerina twirling inside) made in Japan just like this, that played I Could Have Danced All Night when I was a small girl. Every once in a while quaffing the elixir of the gods I roam into eBay looking for my old jewelry box so when I found this I thought, Well, it’s half right…and half right is better than not having a jewelry box that plays I Could Have Danced All Night, right?

Same few glasses of wine, different day, I was on eBay buying this CD from a seller in Norway:

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It cost about three times as much as your usual CD, but I had to have it because I had heard these guys sing that old Leonard Cohen (Hallelujah) song on You Tube and I had really liked it, even tho I am not a Leonard Cohen fan. In fact, I loathe with a passion that stupid song, Suzanne: she’s touched your perfect body with her mind???? What a perv. But I like it when four Norwegian guys get together and sing Hallelujah. I’m unpredictable that way.

So, although I have never listened to this expensive Norwegian CD, I liked having it so much that I also bought this:

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Which I have never listened to either but, one day, when I get the urge, I just might, and that’s what makes owning it worth it.

I’m also a fan of eBay in the UK, which is where I got this:

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I saw this for sale and I thought, I HAVE TO HAVE IT because I could sew this onto the back of my leather jacket so everyone will know what my favorite punk band of the 1970s is, as soon as I buy a leather jacket. See? There’s a whole complete thought process.

This is another eBay UK must have of mine:

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Hand embroidered, and already framed, I saw this and thought: I HAVE TO HAVE IT because it brought back memories of being in London that Summer of 1977 of the Silver Jubilee, seeing punk kids with my own eyes and being terrified by them, and being rained on for days on end, wearing bell bottoms and learning to order tea “black” or else you always get milk in it, using pay phones that “pipped”… those memories are priceless. This purchase was worth every cent it cost to ship it across the pond.

One evening not so long ago, me and my bottle of wine fetched this up out of the eBay zeitgeist:

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I HAD TO HAVE THIS because this is what the future looked like to me, as a 9-year old in 1965: I was going to be a teenager with my own Princess phone in Acapulco Blue and I was going to spend too much time on it talking to my friends about boys, and I’d drive a Mustang convertible and go to dances and be popular. None of that happened — not one iota of that came true — but I still love the design of the Princess phone and this one is cat-sized!!! And now that you’ve seen it I know that every one of you Dear Readers is mad with envy, which is what owning stuff is all about.

And then there was the time that I HAD TO HAVE this:

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A desert plate because, you know, thistles.

I don’t think you need to have downed half a bottle of Pinot Grigio to get why I HAD TO HAVE this:

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An 8-inch tall glass bottle of vintage Avon perfume in the shape of the Eiffel Tower???? No explanation necessary, just buy it and congratulate yourself.

By the way, on the same day that I bought those ridiculous high heel shoes I also made the brilliant purchase of these:

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They are Sketcher fuzzy-lined suede boots and they are the most warm, happy, comfortable shoes I’ve ever clapped onto Pearl and Vinny (the names of my left and right foots). I LOVE THESE BOOTS.

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My husband thinks they are hideously ugly. Well, the good thing is that he won’t have to look at them this coming week because I am out of sight for the next five days, off on a fact-finding trip far, far away, traipsing in my pillow-like Sketcher boots around a certain world capital and a certain quaint village in search of content for my next book.

Which I will tell you all about next week, avec plaisir.

 

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