When Your Pants Are On Fire, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.

Yes, this is a boring watercolor blog and we will get around to discussing how I stole everything possible from Claude Monet for this week’s dabbling but, Dear Readers, you know we have to talk about the fire-breather in the room, Michelle Wolf.

Comedian Michelle Wolf did a 19-minute roast of Washington D.C.’s hack politicians, spineless journalists, and their pathetic enablers at last Sunday night’s White House Correspondents Dinner and she burned it to the ground. I watched the whole thing and I thought she was perfect. (Note: as of May 3, Michelle Wolf’s bit has been viewed on the C-Span site a record-breaking 4.4 million times. I think people pretty much like the way Michelle Wolf spoke truth to power.)

The best Twitter response I read, regarding the Republicans’ palpitations over the forcefulness of Michelle Wolf’s jokes (lordy and mercy me, the language!!) was: Relax Republicans. It’s just locker room talk.

The Republicans’ indignation is Fake News! Totally Fake!! It’s a witch hunt!!

My second-favorite joke of the evening was the one about lying’ sack o’ shit Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ that ended with the punch line “smokey eye”, which in case if you don’t know what a smokey eye is, it is this:

REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

The joke was about how she lies, and not about how ugly she is (inside and out). But it was interesting to note that when she appeared on Fox News four days later, on Thursday morning , she was not wearing her trade mark “smokey eye”:

If her lips are moving, she’s lying.

Do you think it’s because Sarah Huckabee Sanders just can’t face herself in the mirror any more?

Whatever. Like I mentioned, that “smokey eye” joke was my second-favorite part of Michelle Wolf’s routine. My first fave part of Michelle Wolf’s take-down was her several minute’s worth of material about how President der Drumpf is broke. I’m sure that her riffing on how little money der Drumpf  gets der Drumpf where it hurts him most. I LOVED it. She began:

“People call Trump names all the time. And look, I could call Trump a racist or a misogynist or xenophobic or unstable or incompetent or impotent. But he’s heard all of those, and he doesn’t care. So tonight, I’m going to try to make fun of the president in a new way, in a way that I think will really get him. Mr. President: I don’t think you’re very rich. Like, I think you might be rich in Idaho, but in New York you’re [only] doing fine.”

I have always maintained that der Drumpf is not nearly as rich as he has bullshitted everyone into believing he is, mostly because everything he does is penny-ante small-time cons, and because he was and talks like a poor person trying to act like he has money and getting all the tell-tale “tells” wrong. All that glitz, and bragging, and of course his fake Renoir:

The un-funny Fran Leibowitz got it right when she wrote “Trump is a poor person’s idea of what a rich person is.”

Milton Pedraza, chief executive of the Luxury Institute, a consultant to luxury brands, says that Trump is “A caricature of what wealth is — as opposed to what real wealth is,” and says Trump sold his cheap-ass “luxury” steaks, vodka, water, deodorant, university, ties, perfume, and etc. to those   “who didn’t know the difference.”

So, yeah, just because Sarah Huckabee Sanders is ugly doesn’t mean you can’t make jokes about how she much she lies. Because she is evil.

So let’s talk about something else near and dear to my heart: The Incredibly Persistent Pile of Snow.

I discovered this heap o’ snow on April 12 (in a very inconvenient parking lot at a shopping center here on the north shore of Long Island) when it was still bigger than my car. I was impressed! We had not had snow fall since April 1, when a modest one-day blizzard didn’t even stay long enough for me to get out the snow shovel.

I became strangely enamored of this pile of snow, with a fondness that I usually reserve for puppies and Pinot Grigio. So here’s how our fond affair went down last week:

April 29…does this pile of snow have the grit to make it into history?


April 30 (I am hoping for the best!)


May freaking First! Historic! I want to hug this pile of snow!

This Incredibly Persistent Pile of Snow deserves a close up:

This special pile of snow is about the size of a bread box, ha ha, nobody knows what a bread box is anymore.  It’s about the size of a boom box. Ha ha! Nobody knows what a boom box is any more! It’s about the size of a Selectric…OK, this is getting tedious.

I was rooting for this pile of sow. I was certain that this pile of snow had the Right Stuff, the gumption and the heart, to make it to May 2, and beyond.

So here’s what I found on May 2:

Let me explain that here on the North Shore of Long Island, we take pride in our parking lots. And truth to tell, that pile of snow was very daggy. There were candy wrappers and old newspapers and other bits of unsightly trash embedded in it, and yes, there was even a pair of socks mixed in there with the usual gravel bits and fir tree droppings:

The pair of socks, and I think that’s a chicken bone.

Well, of course the managers of this parking lot came in and cleared all that grunginess away. They also mulched the parking lot’s flowers beds. It’s a fancy parking lot.

So we will never know if our Incredibly Persistent Pile of Snow could have Gone All The Way. Sad!

Let’s let Bibs cheer us up:

The temperatures were soaring here on the North Shore of Long Island this past week and we were loving it. 90 degrees yesterday! Top Cat and I hauled the patio furniture out from storage, finally, and set up our kitchen patio, and Bibs was the only cat smart enough to make use of the fine weather.

We also wanted to put the Adirondack chairs out in the back yard, and position them for sun set watching, but I can’t sit on an Adirondack chair without having the padding of a nice cushion, and all our Adirondack chair cushions were being used (and abused):

Right. Let’s get down to business.


This was an exercise I did just so I could find out how Claude Monet “did” weeping willows, because it’s different to how I “do” weeping willows and he’s  the most famous artist in the world so, like, I make it a point to steal from the best:

When you look closely at Monet’s weeping willow fronds, they are much more complex than you’d think:

On the whole, I think Monet’s brush strokes are very hammy and clumsy, but I have to admit that these lines are delicate and masterful. If I was going to copy them, the task would be as challenging as if I were forging his handwriting — these strokes are very personal and individual. And to think that he did this when he was well into his late 70s!

There was only one thing to do. I had to trace them:

And of course, this tracing is only the short-hand version of what Monet does. But that’s what I used when I painted my version of his Grand Decoration (now hanging in the Jeu de Paume in Paris).

And yes, there is a huge difference between Monet’s painting and my copy. It’s not easy to copy an oil painting in watercolor. And I rarely copy paintings. But it was very instructful to try to mimic Monet, and I have to say that I highly recommend it.

Meanwhile, on the den patio (we are a two-patio family) our neighbor’ cat, Dennis, is waiting for us to come out and play:

I love it that when Dennis saw me taking his picture from the den window, he decided to pose for me but, like, all non-chalant:

Have a great weekend, everyone. And if the latest outrage from der Drumpf leaves you feeling all chalant, take a tip from Taffy:

Keep Calm and go for a roll in the dirt. Or go for a glass of wine. Wine is good, too.

Memes stolen from Yellow Dog Granny @ Blogspot.com.


10 Comments, RSS

  1. Bunny

    Three Star Wars day (May the Fourth) cheers to yet another insightful, well spoken, and hilarious post by a fantastic painter, and happy Cinco de Mayo (pun intended) to all.
    Not only are you a Great American for pointing out the REAL truth, but you’re very astute when it comes to pointing out the reality about our pathetic Amerian debacle, aka our delirious political “situation”/el president.
    Rudy to the rescue–which looks like damage control, but how long can he make it?
    I’m betting on no more than 2 months!

  2. Catching up with you today and totally agree about the WHCD. I noticed the lack of smoky eye too — even yesterday in the briefing when it seemed like gang attack on the credibility of anyone connected to this! They all but called Sarah a lying sack of… well, you know! And “that’s the best information I had at the time” doesn’t cut it upon countless repetition.

    But I digress. Loving the Monet study. The copy makes sense to me and a good exercise. My dad had a friend who kept copying Vermeer to get it right. And he did (I have Ed’s “Pearl Earring” study.) And love that spring might be landing in your neck of the woods. Go, cats! (You’re going to have to nab those cushions during feeding time, I’m afraid!)

  3. Patricia

    I don’t like to attack the way people look …. unless they’re President Cheeto Head. Tweeter-in-chief. President tRump (the t is silent).

    Then I consider it mandatory. Obligatory. Required.

  4. You are so right about Michelle Wolf. I thought she was hilarious. And I honestly don’t think she was any more vicious than previous comics at the Correspondents Dinner. It’s always a poke-fun-at-the-establishment kind of night. I don’t know why everyone has their knickers in a twist, except that that’s how we’re all being trained to respond these days. Nobody can take a joke, least of all Trump and his minions.

    So long, pile of snow and associate debris. NINETY DEGREES?! That’s impossible for me to fathom!

  5. Casey

    That is the best headline regarding the whole affaire duL’ oil charbonneux. When you lie for a despot and an idiot and a scam artist, you get what you deserve.

    Farewell, incredibly persistent pile of snow, you are the reason we all agree, ’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

    I think your journalism on the demise of this incredibly persistent pile of snow is hilarious.

    I like the willow tree exercise. But no, I’m not going to go to all that trouble to expand my painting skill set because I am lazy and i like Pinot Grigio too much.

    Big kisses to the cat herd. Dennis, you are a charmer.

  6. Megan

    Hello Dennis you cute thing you, giving Taffy a run for his money in adorability. I think those ‘roasts’ are always a bit rude and cut right to the bone so I guess you have to expect to be lampooned. I liked the comment about Aunty Lydia. I guess it must have made an impression though with the new eye makeup… I’m surprised that she cared enough to change her look. We all suspect Drumpf is not that well off… I wonder when we will find out. I thought it interesting that his style is described as “Trump is a poor person’s idea of what a rich person is.” I find the inside of his homes a bit over the top and I could never relax with all that glitz. Well I am not surprised that the snow went, 90 degrees is hot. Hoping the temps did not plummet the next day. Nice to see some smart kitties taking advantage of the spring weather.

  7. Kirra

    Farewell final pile of snow! In the end you were defeated by people not the weather. However I’m very happy you and the cats can get outside and use your patio furniture (I just googled what 90 degrees was and that is nice and warm). I don’t know if you’ll be able to get those cushions off the cats though.

    I have heard bits about the Michelle Wolf speech, but of course now I want to watch it and add my click to the millions of views. It was probably more work to make jokes about someone as ridiculous as the current president than someone who was actually vaguely competent at the job. How funny that his press secretary changed her eye make up after the comedy gig! We see her zombie like speeches here in Australia and hear the presidents stupid tweets read out on the news, at least our politicians are still talking themselves on camera!

    Your cats look really in their element with this warmer weather. I really like your watercolour copy of Monet’s painting. Tracing his willow strokes is another demonstration of your patience and persistence in painting. I don’t think I could paint that tiny and enjoy it but hopefully I can do other things with this much care to detail….one day.

    Enjoy the (hopefully) sunny weekend! We actually had rain the last few days and everything was inconveniently wet! However we really do need some water around here in dry South Australia so I will deal with it.

  8. I was really hoping that you would comment on Michelle Wolf’s roast. And you did! And then you shared about the smokey eyes episode, which I did not know about. So we have the perfect political sandwich of absurdities…with a nourishing filling of fabulous felines. I so enjoyed this Friday ending to a crazy week. It is so lovely to have your blog in reserve. It is like a secret stash of macaroons or dark chocolate or something sloshier. Sustaining wit and perspective. Thanks and cheers!

  9. So true, we do love our country and thus the outrage at the mr. t.
    Oh that snow hung around along time. And now you have sunshine and cats enjoying it. Wonderful!
    Copying is OK. When I worked as an apparel patternmaker we often copied other companies and then added our own touch at the end or was it in the end.
    Wow! what a difference without smokey eyes. Wish she would just go away or be fired with the rest of them.

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