There Is No Prime Time Anymore. Life Streams 24 Hours a Damn Day.

I am very bored these days.

Now, like you, I too have intermittent moments of grand fun and occasions of wild existential validation. Just this week, after pouring through family records, I made the phone call that helped a distant cousin conclude her five-year search to find her birth mother. It was very cool. And the next day, I saw someone trip and fall at the grocery store and had a right good laugh. Fun times.

But, at the end of the day, when the sun goes down on these dwindling hours of light and warmth and I’m being the most truthful with myself, I am bored, oh, so, so bored with myself.

It certainly doesn’t help that this country gets uglier, stupider, and trumpier every day. Every. Goddam. Day. Just ask the Kurds.

So I’ve been watching a lot of television lately, as that’s the place where I live my best life. I’m researching  all the exciting  television ways of not boring myself to death.

To start, from what I’ve watched on the teevee, life is more interesting if you are a genius. Plus, if you are a genius with a terrible personality, life practically throws itself at you and rolls over so you can tickle its belly, or vice-versa, I’m getting lost in the metaphor.

Fighting crime also seems to be a good way of keeping boredom at bay. My research indicates that if you’re an adrenalin junkie or you want to become one, you owe it to yourself to join a Homicide squad… people who kill people are terribly exciting to be around. As for fighting crime while you’re a genius. . . 

or some kind of supernatural being?

Off the charts non-boredom.

Alternately, being a criminal mastermind is an equally good way of fighting ennui. White collar only.

I’ve observed that all lawyers lead non-stop eventful lives.

Photo Credit: Patrick Harbron/CBS ©2018 CBS Interactive, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

But not judges.  Judge Judy looks awfully bored, every day.

One sure way of never being bored is to be a billionaire. Bonus: Being very, very rich appears to make you very witty, as well as bad. BI’m sure I don’t have to tell you that being bad is never boring.

Also, it seems that being royalty means you never have to lie in bed all day, staring at the ceiling, wondering Why? Why is the most interesting thing I have to do all day is laundry? (Because you don’t do laundry, you have subjects do your laundry.)

Being a beautiful 25-year old woman is a sure way to always have the most interesting things to do, places to go, people to meet, but I didn’t need TV to tell me that.

Lastly, the top way for having a life worth living is to do it in only 30 or 60-minute episodes.

So, what can I check off the TV Tips For Not Dying of Boredom List?

Well. I’m not a genius, and I don’t want to fight crime (because of the germs, but I might re- consider if there’s a guarantee of seeing ghosts).

I’m too tired to go to law school, and if I knew how to have a billion dollars I would have made it — or married it — by now. My only claim to royalty is through my next lifetime and I’m hoping for the House of Windsor but with my luck, I’ll probably be re-incarnated into the House of Saud. And it’s about 40 years too late for me to be a beautiful 25-year old.

Lastly, I honestly don’t know if, for at least one half hour episode a day, I can manage to find life — plain ordinary predictable full-laundry-hamper life — worth my time. I Am Capital-B Bored.

But there is an awful lot of outstanding teevee these days.

Such as, Tom Ellis getting out of a pool.

I’m so happy to be living in the era of 24/7 streaming.

Helen Mirren at the premiere of her new film about Catherine the Great on October 17 in LA because some days we could all use a little Dame Helen and this is one of those days.

You know, some days I start typing here and I have no idea where I’ll end up.

This train of thought started with a phone call I got on Monday from a resident of a town here on the north shore of Long Island. This woman had stopped in at the charity used-book store that I manage as a fund-raising endeavor for our local library and well, she had some ideas about how I could be doing a better job at it.

I have a new thing, now, when I get annoying phone calls from idiots: I yell at them for a minute or two and then I say, “This conversation is over” and I hang up.

On this day, however, in addition to being really pissed off by this caller, I found myself being equally pissed off by the poor quality of people I get to be pissed off at. If I had a more interesting life I would be yelling at much smarter people about things much more important than how to run a charity used-book store, for fuck’s sake.

I’ve been down in the dumps ever since.

I really, really need to find more interesting things to do with my life.

Oh, well. Have a great weekend, Dear Ones. May all your annoyances be the most interesting annoyances you’ve ever had.














9 Comments, RSS

  1. Megan

    So sad when you don’t even get good quality detractors. It makes for a very one sided argument. I have to agree that I am in a constant quandary about why we aren’t all in the streets protesting, British, Australians and Americans, it is a very sad indictment on society and the lack of conviction of citizens, also it shows that mostly people are self centred and not ready to stand up for others. I hope the tide will turn there are ripples I hope they build and that we change what is wrong with our world. Have a wonderful weekend, enjoy the cats. Mine has made a bed in the kitchen garden on top of the butter lettuces.

  2. Casey

    Whoa. Who is Tom Ellis and why is he not in my dreams every night?

    And whoa, Jude Law looks awesome with grey temples. That is so not fair.

    Can’t comment on anything else until I track down this Tom Ellis and make him marry me.

  3. When I’m bored, I bake something with a lot of chocolate in it and then haul out a jigsaw puzzle. I find TV incredibly boring (except for baseball, my affection for which I cannot explain). Long walks with the Hounds are also inspiring, except when it’s forty fricking degrees and windy with it.

    Luckily, in my town, there is a group of retired women who like to draw and paint together, and they meet up *three times a week*. On Saturdays they hang out at the senior center and on Fridays at the local art gallery, just chatting away while working on art projects. On Wednesdays they go out somewhere or other to draw — last month we visited a lot of wineries/vineyards. We were quite happy that month. Perhaps there is a similar group around there you can try out? I am shy and antisocial but found them to be just my style — fun, funny, and dog/cat lovers who rarely mention their children/grandchildren. Works for me!

    Possibly we are not marching in the streets because we have plenty of bread and circuses.

    Meanwhile, I have a burning question: Where is the Stromness Rock??

  4. Kirra

    Sorry to hear you are Bored! Sounds like the tv shows are helping at the moment along with that fab Dame Helen photo. I have to say thank for curating the best political comments from the US every week, it’s always a highlight for me……even if the whole president Trump situation is deeply depressing.

    I am totally pissed off at the woman calling you to say you could volunteer ‘better’ in your second hand bookshop co-managing! Some people have no idea at all, how painful that they insist on calling you.

    I have returned to work this week (in Australia) after a excellent year away studying and holiday in Europe. It’s nice to be back and seeing friends but work is very fast paced and wears you out.

    James Bond vote from me!

  5. Margot Boyer

    I find that knitting something complicated WHILE watching a convoluted eye-candy costume drama (*Poldark*) or gloomy well-plotted UK-based detective series (*Shetland*, *Hinterland*, *Vera*) AND eating chocolate chip cookies with a kitty at my side holds off the boredom + anxiety for up to two hours. Collaging and/or sewing while listening to a political podcast also works. So, arts and crafts. Plus kitties. I’m thinking of adding a six-pack of kittens with special needs so I can make it through to November 3, 2020.

  6. I wondered why I was watching more streaming shows than normal, must be to avoid boredom but most likely to escape for awhile for the craziness in the world these days.
    BTW watch The Laundry with Meryl Streep on Netflix. If nothing else it will entertain for awhile.

  7. When in doubt, watch the Great British Baking Show. Even if you don’t like to bake. Or organize things. That works for a few minutes and I wish it worked for more because boy, I sure could use it…

    That or fantasize about being Helen Mirren…

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