The Saddest Days of My Quarantine.

I’m supposed to be at Giants Stadium this Saturday and Sunday evening, experiencing BTS with my own eyes and ears but Nooooooooooo. . .

I don’t know why I’m smiling. I AM PISSED. Also, why does my head look so big?


. . . instead of spending time with seven hot Koreans, I will be wasting time in my own backyard here on the north shore of Long Island all damn weekend with Taffy and Top Cat, nursing a grievance and, I guarantee. a few to many V&Ts.

Thanks a lot, coronavirus.

Well, I guess life around Taffy Aces can be as exciting as the most internationally famous K-Pop musicians in the world.

Here’s Taffy in his rock star mode:

Living Fast.

Dying Young.

Here you see Taffy’s hobby, Clawing The Furniture Into Shreds. He is why we can’t have nice things.

Speaking of life here on the north shore of Long Island, I drive past a hospital every morning when I take Top Cat to the train station so he can head into Manhattan to do his Essential Work. For the past few weeks people have been putting up signs that face the hospital entrance:

And I noticed that at the train station, the Long Island Rail Road has added new signs to the bulletin board where it posts the train schedules:


Seeing those warnings about wearing face masks, I thought of the other important precaution we should all take in these troubled times (no, not punching any and all Republicans that we come across): washing our hands. And I realized that I don’t know how soap works.

In case you’ve been wondering the same thing, here is a short primer on how this miracle substance gets the job done:

Soap is made of pin-shaped molecules, each of which has a hydrophilic head — it readily bonds with water — and a hydrophobic tail, which shuns water and prefers to link up with oils and fats. These molecules, when suspended in water, alternately float about as solitary units, interact with other molecules in the solution and assemble themselves into little bubbles called micelles, with heads pointing outward and tails tucked inside.

When you wash your hands with soap and water, you surround any microorganisms on your skin with soap molecules. The hydrophobic tails of the free-floating soap molecules attempt to evade water; in the process, they wedge themselves into the lipid envelopes of certain microbes and viruses, prying them apart.

In tandem, some soap molecules disrupt the chemical bonds that allow bacteria, viruses and grime to stick to surfaces, lifting them off the skin. When you rinse your hands, all the microorganisms that have been damaged, trapped and killed by soap molecules are washed away.

In another sign of the times, this is a real sign posted on the door of a liquor store in the Bronx, a borough in my adopted hometown of New York City. This is why I love NY:

And now, let’s do our weekly Fuck Trump:



P.S. THIS is the stadium where I should be right now, and BTS should be on stage there in the end zone.






















Have a great weekend, everyone. And the next time you wash your hands, remember what a miracle soap is.




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