So Happy I Don’t Know What To Do With Myself.

Sooooo, how was your week?

After four long, long, years, my bruised and battered soul is feeling euphoric, and it’s got me in an emotional spin cycle. But it’s a good problem to have.

This is how I got my case of The Happies:

I ran out into the street yelling for Top Cat, and shouting JOE BIDEN IS THE 46th PRESIDENT . . . to no one because we live on a very quiet street. I went back into the house looking for  Top Cat and I found him upstairs watching English Premiere League soccer on TV and I said TURN ON CNN!!!!

And we both cried and hugged each other. The relief is something that I’ve never felt before.

(Lifts imaginary glass of champagne to all you Dear Readers): We did it.  Here’s to us!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sorry, I cut off the cartoon. It’s the Statue of Liberty talking to the Donald.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This  (below) is  the  letter  is addressed  to  the  George  Secretary  of  State, duly signed (but not proof-read) y the genius Members of Congress who allege massive voter fraud:

Ah yes, the GOP Shit-for-Brains syndrome…now I understand how fellow conspiracy theorist Rudy Giuliani ended up holding a press conference in the parking lot of Four Seasons Total Landscaping to address voter fraud in Pennsylvania:

 

Giuliani introduced Darryl Brooks as a poll watcher in Philadelphia but, actually…

 

In response to this alleged massive voter fraud, Trump set up a hotline so citizens could call in tips about the massive voter fraud they witnessed in their states. Instantly, it was flooded with prank calls about massive voter fraud. As a result of being flooded with prank calls about massive voter fraud,  Trump’s forces have to get a new phone number and his daughter-in-law Lara tweeted this:

Wait..does she not get how pranks work? The whole point is to harass them so that they have to keep changing the phone number.

Anyway, we accepted her challenge and we kept calling.

Yes, I said “we”. Me, I began calling the first hot line number. Fun fact: the people manning the phones answer your call with “Trump War Room”, which is hilarious and makes it really hard to keep from laughing as soon as you hear that. Who are they going to war against? America?

For my first call, I reported that people were still voting at the rec center in my town of Roslyn NY and  then I whispered “And a lot of those people are Black so you better hurry down here before they steal everything!”

I was pretending to be a typical Trumper, but as soon as I said it, I regretted it. It felt bad even pretending to be a racist.

So, for my follow up calls, I identified the people trying to steal the election as Communists, as Socialists, as my ex-brother-in-law, as supporters of Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, and as Vegetarians.

When the Trump War Room changed their phone number, I also called the new number, but all I got was a taped message and an invitation to leave my report of massive voter fraud when I heard the beep.

That’s when I began taking up time and space in the Trump War Room by reading  aloud from the new J. Peterman catalogue I’d gotten in the mail. So now the Trump War Room knows about some nifty pointelle sweaters for $198, pajamas for $128, and a Prince of Wales double-breasted blazer for $498.

Oh, god. It was all such good, clean, innocent fun.

However, some people are getting tired of this game, such as the Montana Secretary of State:

Even the Department of Homeland Security has had enough, and on Thursday, November 12, it did this:

It’s a lovely thing, when the Department of Homeland Security issues a memo from in the Cybersecurity & Infrastructure Security Agency in a joint statement with the Elections Infrastructure Government Coordinating Council and the Election Infrastructure Sector Coordinating Executive Committees orders Donald Trump, ex-president of the United States, to Shut The Fuck Up.

You can read the whole glorious, unequivocal statement for yourself here.

Dear Readers, I’m sure that you all are feeling it. The elation is still there, of course. . .

. . .  but now that the victory is sinking in, we have to reckon with what this country is in the wake of Donald Trump:

 

And let’s not forget the most important thing about who were are as a country:

In Arizona, Navaho Nation showed up at the polls, in total casting 76,000 votes; 97% went to Biden.

Have a great weekend, Dear Ones. I’ve been so busy with post-election pre-hangover jubilation that I haven’t even told you all about the exciting things happening elsewhere in the non-Trump spheres of joy (my Korean husbands BTS are in full Come Back mode, it’s been a spectacular Fall season here on the north shore of Long Island, and I have a new art project to share) so let’s all get back to normal next week.

In the meantime, all I have to say is:

Donald:

You’re Fucked.

 

 

11 Comments, RSS

  1. Alex

    Re: the fact there is still a whole lot of shit ahead of us, this came through on my FB feed after the win:

    Is there a German word for tentative relief without joy?
    Yes. Bidenfreude.

    Pretty much sums it all up for me.

    Also, still waiting for that gracious concession speech…..

  2. Pat

    With Joe in the White House and Pelosi in the House, Grandma and Grandpa can now take care of the country. And as a 71 year old, I couldn’t be more delighted!

  3. Leslie

    How sweet it is! My husband ordered me a t-shirt “Go Laetitia Go.” I have had her picture on my refrigerator for months. Talk about good theater…but I will miss the great jokes that made me laugh out loud.

  4. Casey

    This makes a nice round up of all the crap that’s been flying around this past week.

    The Vegas showgirl/Scarlet O’Hara/Rocky Horror Show meme is the best. I don’t even know: did Nevada go Biden? Do we care?

    Thanks for showing up as always and making sense of a senseless time.

    P.S. Good work on pranking lara trump!

  5. Judy

    Vivian
    Thank you again for your weekly dose of want we need to hear. Something to make us laugh at the foolishness that is tRump.
    And his continuing actions = going stupid with intent.
    Stay well and keep up the good work.

  6. Kirra

    Whooo! Congratulations USA!!!!!!
    The videos of people partying in the street was heartwarming. As well as hearing how it will be easier for people to live their normal lives now theat horrible Trump is going.
    There is a great quote in a popular Australian book for teenagers which says about politics: we vote to keep the worst person out, not necessarily the best person in. I’ve always thought that was pretty accurate, to get far in politics you usually have to compromise a lot.
    He would also be totally shit at golf, hahaha!

  7. Patricia

    November 7 was the best day of my life and I’m 71! We stood outside our senior residence from July 4 through Oct 30 every Friday with our walkers and canes in heat, rain and wind. We figured if voters could stand in line for 8 hours, we could manage one hour a week!

    Our entire state votes by mail and it’s automatically processed. Every state should vote like this!

  8. Yes, this has been a wonderful, cathartic election season! It would be amusing that Trump is still trying to hang on if it weren’t also so pathetic. He’s such a child.

    I can’t believe you called the Trump hotlines! You ARE devoted! LOL

  9. Patricia

    file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Trump%20Cartoons%20(2).pdf

    Sending you a link to a big bunch of cartoons that I found nearly as funny as a Vivian Swift blog (high standards indeed!).

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