I Can’t Help It, People Just Seem to Like Me.

I was called a Troll this week — twice. In internet lingo, a Troll is a person who intentionally upsets people by posting or tweeting “flame bait”, that is, an accusation or option that is so far out that people can’t help but want to scream at you through the ether and punch you.

While my words were indeed intentional, I didn’t want to start anything — I was just trying to give people helpful hints on how not to be stupid.

First case: Holly McCormack is a Democrat from Georgia who has announced that she is running against Trump-loving Marjorie Taylor Greene in 2022 and that’s well and fine, but this is her Twitter bio: Band mom, small business owner, and *actually* from northeast Georgia.

All I wrote was, in reply, “I’m all against MTG, but who cares that you’re a band mom??”

I didn’t even use the F-word, and I was really irritated by that fucking “band mom” credential, for obvious fucking reasons.

So I got a reply from another Twitter user that just said, “Troll”. It was the first time that I’d earned that distinction.

Second case: Some anonymous Twitter guy mused that he or she wanted to start a petition that called for “more voting rights and less millionaires.”

Well, you all know that I had to help. I responded: FEWER. Fewer millionaires, not less. It’s basis English, dude. Good luck with the petition.

Someone got offended that I would bother “a person of color” with an English lesson, and they even called me “dude” to use my words against me. To be honest, there was no indication that the original tweet was from a POC, and it actually made me laugh to think that it mattered, so I suspect that I was being trolled for being a “Troll”.

This here, below, is the kind of high-class trolling I aspire to, in this case in reply to the dip shit Republican representative of Ohio’s 2nd Congressional District:

I mostly stay out of trouble on Twitter. It’s my mouth that gets me in hot water and this week I was back on the phone trolling in the name of truth, justice, and to any others.

Maybe you’ve seen the footage of the sickening attack on a 65-year old Asian-American woman by a guy in broad daylight in mid-town Manhattan in front of a luxury apartment building while in the lobby of that building two doormen looked on and did nothing

Somebody tweeted out the phone number the management company of that luxury apartment building so I got on the phone and left a blistering message (but no F-bombs, I was keeping it classy) on the Brodsky Organization’s voice mail (they were smart to not put a person on the line), about the despicability of an organization that would hire such racists who would not help a person being beaten RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM.

Within hours, the Brodsky Organization released this:

Can you imagine being the union rep who has to defend these bums? 

The other phone call I made was to Donald Trump’s Mar-A-Logo office. You can talk to a real person there and tell them you want to speak to “That piece of shit who incited an insurrec—” but you won’t get much further because you’ll be hung up on.  However, you can feel good that you made working for Donald Trump really depressing for however long you were on the line.

Here’s the phone number:  561 832 2600.

It may seem to you that I spend a lot of time being sociable (see above) but lately I’ve discovered another interest: Footwear Design.

I’ve been buying my own shoes for, oh, 50 years now, and I still fuck it up. I bought a new pair of running shoes on the internet that I wore once. So I went to a store in person and bought another pair of running shoes…and once I had them on my feet for an hour they, they were also unwearable for exactly the same reason as the first pair: they were too high-cut around the ankles. It seems that I am incapable of snap judgements regarding the suitability of zapatos.

So here’s what I did:

Who knew that all you need, to customize your sneaks, is a pair of scissors and duct tape? I’m actually very proud of my resourcefulness. I’ve never seen the insides of a sneaker before, but now I know it’s mostly foam.

And now I have a stylish and super-comfy pair of one-of-a-kind running shoes. Yay me. Top Cat says he won’t be seen with me if I’m wearing these but he never comes running with me anyway.

This past week got off to a sad start with the freeing of that ship that had been stuck in the Suez Canal. Didn’t we all have great fun with Boaty McStuck Boatface? One guy even made a website so you could track the non-movement of it, at istheboatstillstuck.com:

Let’s return to that more innocent time, a week ago, when the whole world had something to laugh about:

 

All the red dots in the graphic below represent a man yelling unwanted advice on how to un-stuck the boat:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And then, one day, it was all over:

 

So much for the light side of the news. Let’s take a look at the fun and games of American politics, shall we? 

 

 

 

 

Remember Deborah Birx, the lady with the scarf, who stood behind Trump while he was telling Americans to inject disinfectant, or light, into themselves to cure COVID? She’s been on the television trying to convince us that she did the best she could to reign in the lies that the Trump administration told about the pandemic:

 

On March 26, Georgia’s Republican Governor Kemp signed into law a 98-page restriction on voters’ access to mail in ballots and drop boxes, instituted new ID requirements, gave the legislature more control over the returns, empowered the Republicans, and made it a criminal offense to give food or water to voters waiting in line.

 

 

 

Gov. Kemp singed the legislation behind closed doors in his office. State Representative Park Cannon knocked lightly on the door and was hauled of to jail by state police:

 

 

 

 

In case you’re wondering how it’s done, here’s how it’s done:

 

 

Things in Minnesota just got bad, but for a different reason:

This case was about a woman in Duluth who took one prescription pill and downed five shots of vodka at her home before going out o a bar. Seeing that she was drunk, the bouncer refused to let her in, so a 20-year old guy “picked her up” and took her back to his apartment, where she passed out. Then he raped, her, but, as you can see, the judge says it’s her fault for being drunk in the first place.

Here’s the judge, Paul Thissen:

Surprisingly, he is not a Republican; he’s a Democratic-Farmer-Labor (DFL) party leader. But he smirks like a shit-eating Republican.

So, to extrapolate, now that the MN Supreme Court ruled that if a woman chooses to drink, she can’t be raped because she “consented” to being blind drunk, then, if you rob or beat a drunk man, he has consented as well, right? Right?

Thissen runs for re-election in 2027. Should be an interesting campaign.

 

In more legal news:

The case (above) involved a Brooklynn judge and a plaintiff with a hair-line fracture on her leg, and it was the first day of jury selection when the 68-year old lawyer insisted that he couldn’t breathe with a face mask on. “Ok,” the judge said finally. “It hurts me to do it, but case dismissed.” 

And here’s the latest update re: America’s least favorite lawyer, the representative from Florida’s 1st Congressional District, Matt “He Looks Like a Cartoon of Butthead” Gaetz:

 

 

 

kIf you remember, Matt Gaetz is the dickhead who went to Wyoming to campaign against its lone representative, Liz Cheney, after Cheney voted to impeach Donald Trump. 

 

 

Matt Gaetz’s 1st Congressional District in Florida covers the state’s western panhandle:

 

But let’s face it, it’s not just the panhandle. All of Florida is a problem:

In case you thought that we’d finished with Georgia, YOU ARE WRONG! Marjorie Taylor Greene’s  4th Congressional District is known as “Georgia’s Florida”:

 

 

FunFact: Marjorie Taylor Greene ran unopposed in 2020, and got 74.7% of the vote.

Other Despicable Republican Women:

 

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And that’s it for this week, Dear Readers. You Are Now Informed.

Anyone in the mood to look at some big goofy dogs?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have a great weekend, everyone. I want you all to get out there and make your world a better place, or at least annoy the shit out of someone who deserves it. 

Or take a nice nap. That’s good, too.

XXOO

 

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4 Comments, RSS

  1. Lois

    I like the irony of using “basis” in stead of “basic” while correcting grammar. You did that intentionally didn’t you.

  2. Wow. Miss Ludwig, my English teacher in days gone by, would be so proud of you! And after reading this, I realize I don’t even need to watch the news anymore — just check in on Friday! Have a great weekend!

  3. Kirra

    Thanks for the blog Vivian, those large dogs are very funny. It’s just ridiculous what they are doing about voting, do they realise how crazy they look to the world? Have a good Easter weekend! Do you eat hot cross buns over in the US?

  4. When you summarize the news right now it is almost exhausting. I am so glad I don’t have to hear that one crazy guys voice everyday on the news anymore. How can there still be so many crazies out there, but they just don’t go away. I love that some thought you were a troll when you say it like it is. I got called toxic not too long ago online just for saying a truth that people didn’t want to know.
    Now I am on to reading the April chapter of your book. Thanks for all you say, it makes me smile.

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